Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
