He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
