I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
