I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize