The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
pop tarts are not kleenex
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
