My first STD was from a foam party
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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