omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
