OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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