Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
