There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
