Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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