Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
