White coat. Heels.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
