I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
