my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
