I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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