Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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