am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
