They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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