i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
