I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
