We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
