If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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