Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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