dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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