i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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