what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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