So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think my moral compass just broke
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
