I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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