Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
