If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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