My nipple is on Facebook.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
