I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
