Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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