Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
