Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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