Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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