she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
