Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize