yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
