I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he's gonorrhea incarnate
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
