Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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