Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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