you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
