You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
