sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
how does that bad decision feel?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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