It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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