I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
