Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
