I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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