And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
