my vag is so smooth its legendary
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize