is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
