dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i dont even know how to be here
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
