after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
