plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
