This girl is more easily done than said...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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