i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
