I'll bet she douches with gravy.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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