they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
this will be a night to untag.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
