i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
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