she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
FUCK WHALES
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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