Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
