U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
