Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
