I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
