I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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