She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
