3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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