It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
