Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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