how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
