mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
