He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
