wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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