Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
