Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
