we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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