I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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