don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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