I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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