No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this boner is exhausting
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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