my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
