I'm jealous of your bromance
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
