If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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