So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
