well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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