i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
