She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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