we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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