We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
