You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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