Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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