I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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