I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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