I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
