I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
tell me about the fingering
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