dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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