if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i would punch a child for taco bell
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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