My sheets look like a crime scene.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
