Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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