fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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