I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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