so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
