Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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