I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize