I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
